Okay, when I started this blog I thought it was going to be primarily musings and sharings about life with my parents with dementia. But I have found that I have been resisting postings about that subject for the most part. Well, recently I felt compelled to write a poem, something I haven’t done in years – it used to be a wonderful teenage-angst outlet when I was in high school. Now I suppose it’s a more-than-middle-aged-angst outlet. It’s a little darker than I find I’m wanting to post on here, but I want this post to be all about sharing – the experiences, the joys, the burdens. I’ve been struggling with my mom’s dementia and wondering some of these things I captured below. Hopefully, those of you who identify can share back and we can all feel more empowered or at least know someone else has “been there”or “is there”. The amazing thing about when I write something – dark or otherwise – I feel cleansed, released, uplifted.
Please read my poem and let me know your thoughts/reactions.
I believe my answer to every question is yes, and that’s perfectly okay.
Without Regard
By
Nancy Deming-May
Will I feel regret
For not seeing your humor,
For not enjoying your company,
For not getting past the piles,
And reacting to the untrue?
Will I remember the anger and the sadness
In response to your political barbs,
Your invasive questions,
Your accusations
That MY memory has failed?
Will I miss the phone calls
And the demands?
Will I feel bad that I learned to lie to you
because you asked questions
without regard?
Will I set a good example
of patience
For my own children?
Will I plan better
So I am more prepared?
Will I make better choices
So my children aren’t forced
To make the harder ones?
Will I feel I made
The right ones?
Will I long for more time
And opportunities?
Will I remember the good
And tell my children
Funny stories of you
that make us all smile?
Will I learn more compassion
And more empathy
As you lose more of yours?
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